Diary Entry 14th Oct 2009
You know what? I’ve literally given him nearly 10 days, and still nothing! Not a single reply. No reply to my voice mails, text messages or phone calls. I don’t even know what I could have done that was so bad. Surly I don’t deserve this, and I’m really getting fed up with his juvenile behaviour.
In all honesty, I haven’t felt this way since I was in school - trying to work out whether the fittest guys in my year actually faced me or if he thought of me as just “One of the lads.” And let me tell you, I was thankful to get out the first time – after all, school has to end some day. But not with Carl, this could go on forever.... we’re adults! Oh I dunno, maybe he has good reason for all this. I mean it’s not like I ain't in a relationship, I could still happily go my own merry way, Steven’s none the wiser.
I tell you what though, its seriously been plaguing my mind something rotten for the past few days - it’s killing me. I just need to know what he’s thinking. The other night Steven came into the kitchen while I was cooking, he tried to make me smile by creeping up behind me a wrapping his arms around my waste, but (I admit) my response was totally unmoved. He asked me “What’s wrong?” and I just said “Nothing” then just shrugged it off. Then he went on to say “You’ve been acting kinda distant lately, I’m beginning to think you don't want me no more.” At that point I wanted to die. I don't ever want Steven to feel as though I don’t want him anymore, I was horrified. I instantly turned to face him, looked him in the eye and told him never to think like that. It got so emotional I couldn’t help from feeling guilty. I told him it was just stress from work with the extra over time I’ve been doing. He believed me which only made it worse, but he began to relax after that. So you see, if I don't sort this thing out with Carl soon, or if I don't literally get over it, it may cause me more trouble then its worth.
